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Joke of the Day

"""Hi can I just have a single burger?"" I'm sorry, all of our burgers are in a relationship ""But that's not eve- Please show some respect"

"How do you know if hippies have been in your house? They are still there."

"[OC] I went to prison for identity theft. Good news is I'm cell mates with a famous musician, bad news is I'm now Rick James' bitch"

"*takes enough Xanax for an army* I have a killer headache CW: *hands me 5 Advil* Woah there brother I'm not about to OD here, 2 will do"

"Don't give a man a fish. Teach a man to fish. Then sue that man for fishing on your property."

"I was going to make a gay joke.... butt fuck it"

"What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair."

"Why did the Russians send a dog to space to die? Because they didn't Lajka."

"Hey, baby. Are you cheese? 'Cause you look gouda to me."

"What do you call a transvestite in Spanish? HERmano"