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Joke of the Day

"I'm thankful for my Twitter family. Without you people, I'd still just be talking to myself"

"Iron Man is a super hero. Iron Woman is a command."

"I had sex with a chipotle manager When I was about to lick some guac off her tits she stopped me and says ""You know that's extra, right?"""

"I got my first blow job today It sucked"

"They were two hookers riding a motorcycle... suddenly they hit a bump, and boom! your mom fell off!!!"

"What do you call a fat psychic? Not a ""medium"", but a ""large."""

"just got up in the middle of breakfast and left my mom in the restaurant because she complimented this guys trump hat"

"Why are there so many Female Archaeologists? Because women love digging up the past."

"Why are Dendrochronologists Forever Alone?"

"There's no ""u"" in awesome... But there's always ""me""."