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Joke of the Day
"A man just got a car for his wife. Now, thats what you call a fair trade."
Next Joke
"I just invented a new word: plagiarism"
"Shoutout to sidewalks for keeping me off the streets."
"""I felt a hair in my mouth but I pulled out a strand of colorful scarves. I knew then."" -David Copperfield's unauthorized bio I'm writing"
"How do you get the walls of your house as bright as they can possibly be? Use LED based paint."
"Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch."
"[At a child's birthday party, holding a poorly taxidermied possum] I heard someone likes stuffed animals!"
"How do you start a conversation with a bunch of idiots? HELLLOOOOO AMERICA!"
"From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman's voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it's working."
"What do read heads get when they don't brush their teeth? Gingervitis Edit: redheads. I am a disgrace."