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Joke of the Day

"[At a child's birthday party, holding a poorly taxidermied possum] I heard someone likes stuffed animals!"

"[ Buzzfeed writer becomes a teacher ] ""Kids today we will learn Alphabets. Here are 26 Alphabets that will blow your mind"""

"[BDSM] I accidentally flogged another dominatrix's client Oops, wrong sub"

"What's the worst thing about 1 ply toilet paper? It's already shitty before you use it."

"All this reddit drama tends to run together on me... Like banksters on a Republican ticket."

"GOD: Let's give her ALL the awesome. ""But what if it's TOO much awesome?"" GOD: Then we'll divide it evenly between multiple personalities."

"How does Steve Bannon, Trump's Senior Chief Strategist feel after he gets over a cold? Alt-Right"

"My dad drowned while at work in a vat of cake mix I know it sounds unlikely but there were some very strong currants"

"I'm on hold with West Elm and they're playing a contemporary jazz song with a man saying ""aquarium"" every 4 counts. Hold music is evolving"

"What do you call a know-it-all that likes doing bad stuff to kids? Encyclopedophile"