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Joke of the Day

"""I felt a hair in my mouth but I pulled out a strand of colorful scarves. I knew then."" -David Copperfield's unauthorized bio I'm writing"

"""You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."" ""But after that I'm not responsible for any more room charges, correct?"""

"Mary had a little lamb And a side of mashed potatoes"

"I need some sun. My legs are so white they just drove to Whole Foods in their Prius."

"Did you hear about the man with 5 penises? His pants fit him like a glove."

"What's the difference between light and hard? You can't sleep with a light on"

"How do you say Philippines in Ebonics? Colombia"

"The most important organ I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what's telling me that."

"BRENDA: I brought cookies! ME: I guess I can have one, I've been good all week *eats cookie* *eats entire tray of cookies* *eats Brenda too*"

"What do you tell an unemployed Rastafarian? Jah bless."