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Joke of the Day

"CPR is a lot like church... CPR is a lot like church: you go up, down, up, down, up, down. The only difference is that you don't get snacks in CPR."

"An ironic joke walks into a bar, orders a beer, and sits down Bartender says hey! We're straight talkers here... no irony allowed. Ironic joke says well that's fine then, because I just want a beer."

"Everyone working at a bank looks like if you said ""Marry me and I'll take you away from all this,"" they'd instantly scream ""Yes!"""

"Oliver Twist: ""Please sir, I want some more!?"" Manger: ""Kid, you do realize this is a buffet?"""

"How many sexual orientations does a physicist have? Six: Up, Down, Strange, Charm, Top and Bottom."

"What is Mike Tyson's favorite song? Down With The Thickness."

"You know how I got my dick to 12 inches? I cut it in half."

"just when you think life is going okay, you get the new guy at Subway"

"Waitresses/waiters of reddit... When you got interviewed for the position, did you tell them that you bring a lot to the table?"