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Joke of the Day

"I can still party like I'm 22. Too bad I recover like I'm 82."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything!"

"Put a load in the dishwasher last night She was mad I didn't pull out."

"[Rock Paper Scissors Best of 7 Championship] *down 3 games to 0 against Edward Scissorhands* MY COACH: Stop choosing paper!"

"This joke isn't fast. It's not slow either. I guess it's just half-fast."

"Winter- Pros: Chestnuts roasting. Cons: Deez nuts freezing."

"UNICORN: I love the forest! I love my horn! Life is wonderf [Pegasus flies over chased by babes] UNICORN: God why have you forsaken me"

"The farmer's wife just ran off with a farm equipment salesman. She wrote him a John Deere letter."

"When I order a burrito with a coffee in my hand, I imagine the cashier is thinking ""Wow, this guy must really love to shit!"""

"I'm good at making friends. Wait, that's not right. Correction: I'm good at making friends up."