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Joke of the Day

"I thought Bill Gates would cave and release the new Microsoft Office early. But he kept his Word."

"Girl, you're like a supermassive black hole... ...because you're incredibly dense, nothing is more attactive than you, and once you suck me in there's no going back."

"A toothless termite walked into a tavern ... and said: ""Is the bar tender here?"""

"*sees a woman struggling with a big suitcase up the stairs* Me: Need help with that? Her: Yeah! Me: *gives her a hug* You got this, girl."

"[Starbucks Assassins Inc] CHIEF: Write this down. Target's name is John BARISTA: [writes] Jamie C: Ok. Memorise it B: [eyes shut] Janet"

"Why stop with two L's Lloyd? why?"

"bucket: a dirty limerick A horny young Scout, with a bucket, Caught a goose and proceeded to fuck it Far too roughly (it died), Took it home, had it fried, Cause he thought it'd wasteful to chuck it."

"I'll be signing books at Barnes & Noble from 6 p.m. to whenever they kick me out for ruining all their books."

"Do I look like a fan to you? Because you seem so much cooler when I'm around."

"A girl posted on FB: ""Sum 1 Cum 2 ma house nd sav me frm boredom"" A guy replied: ""sending an English teacher immediately"""