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Joke of the Day

"Adults with big round heads have kids with big round heads so for god sakes please try to date outside your head shape."

"SON: What's a sex tape? ME: Er well when er a man & a woman have er intercourse they S: No M: No? S: Dad. I know what sex is. What's a tape?"

"12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What's wrong with the one we live in? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son."

"What's the difference between Hitler and a marathon runner? The marathon runner can successfully finish a race"

"What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of its paws, while a comma is a pause at the end of a clause."

"If a meteorite hits a planet, what do you call the ones that miss? A meteor-WRONG!"

"A vegan, a vaper, and a Pitbull owner walk into a bar... ...I'd tell you what they said but I have no idea because none of them would shut up."

"Wife's been out of town 96 hrs now & everything's gone to hell. We're all wearing patio furniture tarps & worshiping a boar head on a stick."

"REQUEST: any Greg Giraldo jokes or is it still too soon? I think the world is ready. Shoot!"

"What do you call a dinosaur that rapes? A sexual predator."