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Joke of the Day

"Wife's been out of town 96 hrs now & everything's gone to hell. We're all wearing patio furniture tarps & worshiping a boar head on a stick."

"I just finished reading the fifth book in this great series. It's called the ""Learning to Count"" trilogy."

"A man is applying for the LAPD and the inspector says: ""Got you! You thought this was going to be a repost!"""

"Guy Who Invented Figurative Speech: I've got something that'll blow your minds. Townspeople: *fleeing in abject terror*"

"""Where does it hurt?"" the doctor asked. ""Right Ear"" replied the Englishman, pointing to his broken ankle."

"Every meal I didn't have to cook myself is the best meal I've ever had."

"My new bowflex comes tomorrow...so if anyone wants to buy a slightly used bowflex in a couple months let me know."

"What did the furniture salesman say when he wasn't happy with his haircut? Its a chaise lounge."

"I keep forgetting which Disney princess is it who solves all her own problems without trying to find a boyfriend?"

"eer booze and fun!' 'WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear."