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Joke of the Day

"SON: What's a sex tape? ME: Er well when er a man & a woman have er intercourse they S: No M: No? S: Dad. I know what sex is. What's a tape?"

"""I love you. I'd do anything for you."" -let me see your phone real quick ""You're smothering me. I need some space"""

"Why did the semen cross the road? The chicken came first"

"Why don't you come sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up?"

"Why are gluten-free children so healthy? Because they're not inbred."

"""NO HOMO"" i scream at my dog Homo as he shits on the carpet"

"Where is Dracula's American office? The Vampire State Building."

"Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, ""Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."" Helium doesn't react."

"So I taught my Grandad how to use skype ... Is it buffering or is he having a stroke?"

"1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have 'lady problems' then start crying. It works even better for guys."