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Joke of the Day

"I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger why he hasnt upgraded his computer to Windows 10.. He said ""I still love Vista baby!"""

"Did you know that after this next album, Matisyahu will be retiring? Soon he will be Jah-bless."

"The liquor store cashier asked me my birth date so I said ""12-25-0000"", and stared into his eyes majestically."

"Did you hear Nicky Minaj was admitted to hospital? She had a massive anus rhythm."

"Why are there no Walmarts in Syria? Because they're all targets"

"What do you say to give an electrician encouragement? ""You conduit!"""

"A first kiss so tentative and awkward, you regret all the time you spent practicing on your beagle. Did I just say that out loud?"

"You couldn't hold an intelligent conversation if I duct taped one to your hands."

"What does a landmine field and my pet friendly apartment complex have in common? It doesn't matter where you step, shit is about to happen"

"why was darth vader arrested? excessive use of force."