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Joke of the Day

"Every time I go to get an HIV test, I'm convinced it's going to come back positive And every time, I'm right."

"What did the runaway melon say to the honeydew on Valentine's Day? I cantaloupe."

"Imagine my surprise at the school Thanksgiving ""costume"" party, when I showed up as Poison Ivy and everyone else was dressed as pilgrims."

"Little kids are so lucky; they don't have to pay rent or wear deodorant."

"One old song. A thousand old memories."

"So I heard the Summer Olympics are gonna be in Rio De Janeiro... What's next? The Olympics in Robert De Niro? ""I'm walkin' here!"""

"Apple recently created a more child-friendly iTouch. It's called the iTouch-Kids."

"Brought my 5 year old to the tax office to ensure that the accountant works as quickly as possible."

"Q: Why couldn't Batman go fishing? A: Because Robin ate the worms."

"What does a vegetarian zombie eat? Grrrains."