162151

Joke of the Day

"I saw a sign the other day the made me fucking piss my pants... ...it said ""Bathroom Closed"""

"Don't listen to people who tell you not to stay up late. They're just trying to trick you into being a well-rested person who isn't anxious."

"I don't want your undivided attention. I want your multiplied attention. Make clones of yourself and give me all of their attention too."

"What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better perk up or people may think were nuts."

"The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What's your point?"

"Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting."

"Something my friend said during our darkest hour of finals cramming I'm wearing my Seahawks jersey to the exam tomorrow. That way I'll pass even though we all know I shouldn't."

"R/Jokes is like my elbow. I don't come here often."

"I could tell a joke... but I'm not funny. Sorry. Please don't kill me."

"Give that Man a Fish I once taught a man to fish. He ended up offing himself because he couldn't get into a good fishing college."