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Joke of the Day
"What's black and doesn't work? Decaf coffee you racist fuck."
Next Joke
"What do you call a newborn with 3 arms? Not mine"
"What's the loneliest drink? I dunno but its in a solo cup."
"B: If you have a sore throat... B: ...I can lend you my throat medicine. G: Throat medicine, huh? B: IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK G: Uh huh B: IT'S CEPACOL G: Weird name to call your dick."
"My 7yo gave up a simple joke thats good enough 2 laugh at. Why did the chewing gum cross the road? Cause it was stuck on the chicken's foot!"
"My girlfriend makes me want to become a better person. So I can get a better girlfriend."
"INTERVIEWER: If Harry Potter was real, what Hogwarts house would you be in? ME: What do you mean ""if"" Harry Potter was real?"
"What is Newton's fifth law of motion? If you run around a tree at the speed of light you can literally fuck yourself."
"At the store: Sir, do you have cotton balls? Look, if I had cotton balls my kids would be plush toys!"
"Spent all day at Legoland with my son during Star Wars weekend. Gushed like a fangirl when I met Darth Vader. He's my Justin Bieber"