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Joke of the Day

"What is Newton's fifth law of motion? If you run around a tree at the speed of light you can literally fuck yourself."

"It's just sad how often I see zookeepers breaking their own 'Dont Feed the Animals' rule."

"[Dog asleep on rug] I once killed a bear with my own two paws [Legs move wildly] THAT'S IT I'M WAKING HIM ""No Henry. Let sleeping dogs lie."""

"I met a horse who keeps talking about the apocalypse. He told me the end is neigh."

"What dog do other dogs go to when they are sick? A docs-hund!"

"What's the difference between a horse and a zebra? A lawyer."

"Pacquiao wanted the fight to take place in the Philippines, but Mayweather insisted on Las Vegas. I guess he likes his venues just like he likes his violence...Domestic."

"Dear Tequila, we had a deal last night. You were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk"

"Mom wants me to have a baby girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.And I want a sane mother who isn't oblivious to my Italian bloodline."

"A politician died It was a good day."