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Joke of the Day

"If I'm found dead in the bathtub clutching a toaster, check for Pop-Tarts before jumping to conclusions."

"Teacher: ok class bring your dioramas to the front of the class Me: [holding a bowl of diahorrea] oh no..."

"Why is Biotite the hottest mineral? Excellent cleavage."

"""I thought I'd thaw a pussy cat."" -- dogs deciding what to take out of the freezer for dinner"

"Why are branches attached to trees? Because they stick"

"Yesterday I got dared to have surgery that prevented me from moving my neck... There's no turning back now"

"Mario recently broke up with Peach. His reason: ""It's not a-you, It's a-me, Mario."""

"Got this email from a friend: CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?"

"What do you call someone with lots of imaginary friends? Schizofriendic"

"- How can you always be such a happy person? - I never argue with people. - That's impossible! - You're right! That's impossible."