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Joke of the Day

"""Hey kids! What be a pirates favorite letter?"" -""Arrrrrrrrrrrr?"" -""No! His first love be the 'C'!"" (Just saw it on iamarg.com)"

"*wife gives me a big hug before I leave for work* I love you too, babe! [later] Where's my credit card? Son of a.."

"My friend stopped making payments to his exorcist. He was soon repossessed."

"It would probably be cool to hang out with a witch because you could bake just the biggest cake in her child sized oven."

"TIFU by reading a TIFU I forgot they're always horrible. Tl;dr: TIFU = bad"

"Susie 1 - Why did Susie fall off the swing? 2 - Because she had no arms 1 - Knock Knock 2 - Who's there? 1 - Not Susie"

"The president of a popular mail-order business just died. The funeral will be held in 3 - 5 business days."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a flying fuck."

"The problem in general terms is that people suck."

"the thing about the weather getting colder is that it makes you think you want to date someone when what you want is heavy socks"