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Joke of the Day

"So my dog is named Lucky... and sometimes he escapes from our house, so we have to go get lucky. And sometimes it'll be dark out, we'll be up all night to get lucky."

"New drugs? Look them up on trip advisor!!"

"Cashier: would u like a bag? Me: no I'll just carry the economy box of pads & Midol out so whoever thinks of kidnapping me will think twice"

"9 just turned the toaster all the way up and basically made charcoal for breakfast, so I'm ordering new furniture with his college fund."

"They should put ads on slow people."

"Damn Shakira is doing Activia commercials too now. With all that belly dancing, you'd think she'd be able to shit. Who knew."

"Since you've discovered the Internet you don't pay any attention to me! Who said that?"

"What do you tell a nazi with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told Richard Spencer twice!"

"Why did the man fall down the well? He couldn't see that well"

"*quietly tries to open a bag of chips during a bank robbery*"