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Joke of the Day

"Society has this weird perception that nurses are the most nurturing parents. My kids: My arm hurts when I move it!! Me: Then don't do it."

"Why couldn't the retarded man talk normally? He was trying to hold the door"

"Chuck Norris Some people think the glass is half full. Some people think it is half empty. Chuck Norris sees scotch."

"My other calendar is a packet of birth control pills."

"How can you spell too much with two letters? XS (excess)."

"What's the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies? My Dick."

"I miss being a sperm. I wish life was simple again."

"What did one ass cheek say to the other? We gotta hold this shit together."

"CRABS THINK WE WALK SIDEWAYS"

"Why are octopuses so dangerous? Because they TENTACLE."