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Joke of the Day

"What did one ass cheek say to the other? We gotta hold this shit together."

"What does Jeb Bush have in common with a threesome? A lot of people think three bushes is one bush too many."

"What's black white red all over and can't go through a revolving door A nun with a spear through her"

"Baked turkey for 4 and a half days - instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108! #MyProblem"

"I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing."

"DENTIST: Been flossing? ME: Yup D: [reaches into my mouth & pulls out a copy of the NY Times dated 7/5/14] I put this in there last time"

"Teacher: What is can't short for ? Pupil: Cannot miss Teacher: and what is don't short for Pupil: Doughnut !"

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb *thats not funny*"

"A woman recently tried to flirt with me using a electric mixer. She said she was going to whisk me away."

"How did Bob loose his job at the sperm bank? He was always drinking on the job"