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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the retarded man talk normally? He was trying to hold the door"

"I like my slaves like I like my coffee Free"

"Give a woman an inch and she probably won't call you back."

"I say no to gay marriage. It'll end up leading to gay divorce, and that'll be bitchy."

"What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of its paws, while a comma is a pause at the end of a clause."

"I don't understand why you can lead a horse to water but you can't make a teenager do the dishes."

"People who incessantly go on and on about replacing things that taste good with quinoa, please stop"

" Cause the players gonna play play play The haters gonna hate hate hate Baby Im just gonna bottle it all up & develop severe trust issues "

"When you walk into a store buying sexual necessities... New Ariana Grande CD: 18 Tub of Vaseline: 3 XL Box of Tissues: 2 The look of disgust on the cashier's face as you pay: Priceless"

"BOSS: you're an hour late GUY WHO'S ABOUT TO INVENT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME: oh you haven't heard?"