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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the time all GPS systems became self-aware? Things were taking unexpected turns."

"Might wake up early and go for a jog. Might also win the lottery... odds are about the same."

"A Christian telling an atheist that God will punish him ... [x-post from r/atheism] ... is like a hippy telling me that he's going to punch me in the aura."

"Surround yourself with people that can't handle their alcohol, so you can drink theirs after they pass out."

"Never buy a used dream catcher from the flea market near a mental hospital."

"It's really too bad that Magic Johnson played in an era in which the hilarity of his nickname was so underappreciated."

"Arguing with guy at the bar and he claimed Wikipedia was an unreliable source, suggesting instead that I listen to him, a drunk guy at a bar"

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog What's wrong with that I think I'm going to croak"

"What did the exponential equation say to the linear equation? Real graphs have curves."

"If the hamburgler was black he'd be dead because mayor mccheese was basically rudy Giuliani"