92004

Joke of the Day

"A Christian telling an atheist that God will punish him ... [x-post from r/atheism] ... is like a hippy telling me that he's going to punch me in the aura."

"Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I'm coming after you... You have my word"

"1. have a child 2. never mention it on facebook 3. dress it in old-timey clothes and have it stand in the background of all your photos"

"The absolute value of 0 is no laughing matter lol"

"What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne waits until a boy is at least 14 before coming on his face."

"I knew someone had added dirt to my garden. And so, the plot thickens"

"Why was the banker bored? Because he lost interest in everything."

"A girl never comments on another unless she's jealous."

"The first time a girl walked up to me and gave me her number I didn't know what to do so I ate it."

"Why did the Ferguson protesters go home early last night? The whole thing was a gas."