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Joke of the Day

"The teacher asked Jimmy ""Why is your cat at school today, Jimmy?"" Jimmy replied crying ""Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am gonna eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"""

"""I just threw up in my mouth a little."" - Cows"

"I was walking down the road when I ... ...saw an Afghan bloke standing on a 5th floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him""Whats up, Abdul, wont it start?"""

"Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? Because he only **comes** once a year."

"What's the difference between a politician and a catfish? One's a bottom-dwelling, muck-sucker and the other is a fish."

"Ask yourself what you would do for one more day with the ones you've lost and then do those things for the ones you still have."

"I wanted cats. My wife wanted kids. So we got a dog."

"How do you order a glass of water in Russia? Ask for a virgin vodka."

"How do you re-use a condom? Turn it inside out, and shake the fuck out of it."

"What does a pizza boy and a gynecologist have in common? They both can smell it, but not eat it. Yes I know it's a repost. What did you expect, a new original joke every time? Now that's a joke."