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Joke of the Day

"What are the two fastest things in the world? Second fastest: your butthole snapping shut. Fastest: That little drop of water..."

"I look forward to using the phrase ""I'm gonna fuck you til you're pregnant!"" in bed when we decide to have kids."

"I don't like Haikus; But I like ironic twists I am conflicted"

"My sexual desires have been getting out of control... But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I knew I'd hit rock bottom."

"If there are degrees of asshole, I'm the pressing the crosswalk button even after watching you do it because maybe you did it wrong kind."

"What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About halfway across"

"Kim Jong Un has upgraded himself from ""Leader of North Korea"" to ""Supreme Leader of North Korea"" by adding sour cream and extra cheese."

"I was walking through Home Depot yesterday when I tripped and knocked an industrial vacuum cleaner onto a bunch of carpentry tools. It sucked on so many levels..."

"What do you get when you buy a $5 umbrella? Wet. Source: me, now."

"How do you turn a link on r/jokes purple? You choke the shit out of him"