147168

Joke of the Day

"isaac newtown got hit in the head & invented calculus. i broke my nose last night when I was drunk & invented a louder version of crying."

"What does a redneck do when he misses his girlfriend? Reload, take better aim."

"I tried a pot brownie once and I hated it I couldn't keep the damn thing lit."

"Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief & suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a Wedding Cake!!"

"Health food? Baby, my body is a '93 Honda hatchback with a headlight out. I'm not about to start putting premium gas in it now."

"TIL that North Korea is one of few countries where women Truly have equal rights to men. That is that they both equally don't have any."

"Just moisturized my hands and now I can't get out of the bathroom. Send help."

"Two peanuts were walking down the street One of them was assaulted"

"The Australian border patrol is so good... they even stop the good internet from reaching Australia."

"Twitter is like a dog: There's always someone who loves you for you... there's also always someone who just peed in an inappropriate place."