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Joke of the Day

"I was going to photograph my food but then I ate it. I hope I don't get kicked off Instagram for that kind of behaviour."

"I tried kombucha for the first time the other day. It made me feel very cultured."

"My favorite sex position is the JFK I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car. Edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger."

"Why do the homies call their friend Paragraph? Because he's too short to be an essay"

"Did you hear about the new anti-consumerism movement? Nobody's buying it!"

"Why do we all marry? - because romance is not the only element of life, we should also know horror, terror, suspense, irony, stupidity and tragedy of life!"

"What is ISIS's favorite kind of coffee? Decapitated"

"*slips the attendant $20* ""make sure you pick me out a good one"" Sir this is a daycare... ""uh huh *winks* a daycare"""

"A paedophile says to a school boy ""I'll give you a lolly if you come into the van"" The boy replies ""Give me the whole bag and I'll cum into your mouth""."

"What do you get if you are telling puns while jogging? A running joke."