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Joke of the Day

"What is ISIS's favorite kind of coffee? Decapitated"

"This one time, a work colleague declared The Avengers to be a better film than The Dark Knight. That was a busy day in HR, I can tell you."

"Q: Why was Jon walking backwards on the first day of school? A: Everyone kept saying it was back to school time."

"""Your resume lists the skills 'poor timing' & 'awkward'?"" Can I have a raise? ""We haven't hired you."" Oh. You're very handsome. ""I see."""

"People keep telling me i'm self-deprecating. I don't think i deserve that."

"I got fired today ""what? why?"" no idea ""you have no idea?"" nope ""I'm confused when did this happen?"" between pre break break and break"

"did you know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans."

"Where do you take a sick ship? To the doc(k)!"

"What's the hardest thing about roller blading? Hearing that fucking joke all day."

"Don't date a left handed girl... righty tighty lefty loosey"