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Joke of the Day
"How did Luke always know what Darth was getting him for Christmas? He felt his presents..."
Next Joke
"Cut the shit, people who think I'm going to share my arm rest at the movie theater."
"(reads smudged writing on hand during date) i just want to say that u look really preffy tonight"
"My wife tried to buy something online yesterday.... Anyone know how to get a credit card out of a floppy drive?"
"Just moisturized my hands and now I can't get out of the bathroom. Send help."
"I'm here to write an article about procrastination Actually I'll do it later remind me"
"me: excuse me but is the pilot vaping? flight attendant: no there's a fire in the cockpit me: oh thank god"
"A good way to help you determine who to weed out of your life is probably by how someone pronounces ""coyote""."
"Lust is not real love and Domino's is not real pizza but both are fine when you're drunk."
"Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion? Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains"