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Joke of the Day

"[tells friend cat passed away] Is there anything I can do? Yes [holds up fur coat] put this on & lie in my lap But I- [starts crying] OK OK"

"Pretty offensive joke: Why does all Turkish men have a mustache? because they wanna look like their mother."

"Free beer tomorrow!"

"How to annoy your children: Me: Don't come in here without knocking Child: Ok *leaves* *knocks* M: Who is it? C: It's me! M: Go away"

"The Indian food market My buddy asked me if I wanted to get lunch with him at the new Indian food market and I said namaste (nah... ima stay)"

"We went camping at Yellowstone National Park on a moonless night. It was in tents."

"Why was 5 afraid of 6? Because 6 7 8! ...(in honor of May 4th Star Wars day)..."

"""Java is to Javascript as ham is to hamster."""

"Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline."

"Penises are like internet connections Having a big pipe is great, but it doesn't do you much good if you don't have any uptime."