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Joke of the Day

"How to annoy your children: Me: Don't come in here without knocking Child: Ok *leaves* *knocks* M: Who is it? C: It's me! M: Go away"

"Dignity: Is that thing you lose when you send someone a second text before they've answered the first."

"So hoola hoops are a thing again... I figured they'd swing in to style again eventually!"

"how much would it cost? ""the guy who does our estimates isn't here right now"" around what time will he be back? ""did you not just hear me?"""

"I got arrested for playing chess in the street.. I said its because im black isnt it"

"I'm in a band called ""Transportation"". We're going places."

"What is Helen Kellers favorite color? Corduroy."

"The true irony in Taylor Swift singing about feeling 22 at age 23 is that I want to hit her in the face with a cast iron skillet."

"What's Mary short for? She's got little legs, I guess."

"*Guy is rushed in on a stretcher* DR: what happened EMT: we found him passed out & seizing during a shrek marathon DR: WE'VE GOT AN OGREDOSE"