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Joke of the Day

"My Utahn grandpa's favorite joke: why should you always bring two Mormons with you when you go fishing? Because if you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer."

"Geppetto: I wish you were a real boy Pinocchio *begins to sing & dance around* Geppetto: yay! [3 hrs later] Geppetto: This was a mistake"

"I don't care how old you are, the only safe way to guarantee the monster under the bed doesn't grab you is to use the run and jump method."

"[Jesus entering surf contest] Judge: What type of board will you be riding? Jesus: [looks at feet] They're using boards?"

"I had a debate with myself about masturbation... ... On one hand it's feels good. And on the other it feels great!"

"Have you heard like 50% of Chinese people have cataracts? Yeah, I guess the other 50% drive ""rincoln towncah""."

"Why would you never want to go to a gay BBQ? Because the hotdogs taste like shit."

"And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. And then he made it round and laughed and laughed and laughed"

"A 64 years old male tourist swept away in Amazon river, where did he end up? Local Brazilian newspaper..."

"I visited Detroit recently. I love the smell of the ol' factories."