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Joke of the Day

"[Jesus entering surf contest] Judge: What type of board will you be riding? Jesus: [looks at feet] They're using boards?"

"""And this is my creepy husband, John."" (The way my friend should introduce her husband)"

"I just found a Macklemore CD in a Thrift Shop and the Universe imploded."

"What did the Cryptologist have for breakfast? Hash with alot of Salt"

"I met my ex-wife at the gym. We didn't workout."

"I've been in chemistry lectures all day... I'm absolutely Bohred to death!"

"She said no! *sobs tears of joy* -me after proposing"

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was far out dude"

"'I'm sorry' and ""My bad"" mean the same thing ... except at a funeral."

"A gaggle of geese. A murder of crows. A nope of laundry."