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Joke of the Day

"Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso."

"That stupid guy I have stupid friends gotta admit.But i have a stupid one. Yesterday he asked me did anybody die and survive??!?!?!??"

"Me: What's for dinner? Her: Chinese. Me: I will make the Duck Sauce. *catches duck *fires up juicer"

"If I had 2 fish I would name them 1 and 2 so if 1 died I would still have 2."

"why are Jews so good at studying ? cause they went to concentration camp !"

"Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor"

"Just robbed a bakery I kneaded the dough."

"What's the best part about sleeping with a Cubs fan? They're used to disappointment."

"If I die in my sleep, my only request is that you fold me up in my futon and sell it on Craigslist"

"I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker But when I got home, all the signs were there."