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Joke of the Day

"my girlfriend called me a pedophile after sex last night... ...and i said,""well that's a big word for an eight year-old."""

"What did the snail say when his friend lost his car? Where did Es-car-go."

"Yay! The healthcare reform bill passed! Waitress, a round of celebratory abortions for all my friends!"

"[Reguest] Can you tell me a joke that's translatable in any language? So not jokes like the current front page: http://i.imgur.com/Hp8K3vB.png"

"When I die, scatter me across my ex's front lawn. Also, don't cremate me."

"I've always wanted to be one of those people who laughs all the way to the bank, instead of one who cries every time he leaves."

"What did Douglas Adams say after he finished writing the first chapter of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Ah, I've finally put a dent in that book."

"I lost my wife in a bet I bet I could sleep with her sister"

"There was a blackout last night... Don't worry, I got him."

"One tectonic plate bumped into another and said ""Sorry. My fault"""