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Joke of the Day

"I've always wanted to be one of those people who laughs all the way to the bank, instead of one who cries every time he leaves."

"Did you hear about the guy who escaped from a lunatic asylum, raped a bunch of old women in a laundrette then ran away? The newspaper headlines the next day read: #**NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS**#"

"What do you call two beer drinkers arguing about sea turtles? Lager-heads at loggerheads about Loggerheads."

"Why can't you be friends with a tampon? Because they are stuck up cunts."

"What is it called when Batman skips church? Christian Bale!"

"Why should you not argue with a decimal? Because decimals always have a point."

"What do you call a soda in love? A Crush"

"So a drum falls off a cliff... ... Ba dum psshhh!"

"I have a boat that beats all other boats in races... ... It's a champion ship."

"Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail? It's pretty much a downward spiral."