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Joke of the Day

"When I die, scatter me across my ex's front lawn. Also, don't cremate me."

"You need an Arc? I Noah guy."

"How do bored cows sound like? Meh"

"I'm tired of people dissin Arabs like wtf they don't all make bombs..... They make slurpees too."

"I sponsor one of those poor kids on TV. He sends me nice letters, I mail him pictures of me smiling, throwing away food."

"A suicide bomber walks into a bar But he doesn't blow up, because it's an Allahu snack bar."

"My dream job? That's easy: Be one of those Muppets that sit up in balcony making fun of everyone. That's Old School Twitter."

"Son: ""Mom, Dad, I'm gay."" Mom: *Stares at Dad* Dad: *Clenches fist* Mom: ""Don't!"" Dad: *Sweats Profusely* Mom: ""..."" Dad: ""HI GAY, I'M DAD"""

"My girlfriend left me a roll of quarters for laundry today She told me to try to not blow it all on one load..."

"Remember when? Remember when the worst thing about Volkswagen was that they made cars for Hitler?"