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Joke of the Day

"Yay! The healthcare reform bill passed! Waitress, a round of celebratory abortions for all my friends!"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent!"

"Me: *mouths I love you* Him: M: *blows kiss* H: M: *adjusts my pajama top* H: *empties the can & hops onto the side of the garbage truck*"

"Why is safe sex a dumb idea? Because coat hangers are cheaper than condoms."

"What do you call that useless skin around the penis? A man...."

"Eating noodles while studying for a test? That's so Ramen."

"Just thinking. How many MILF'S are now GrandMILF's?"

"Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off. Pupil: You have my permission !"

"So I heard, that after a long debate, they finally announced the hide and seek champion of 2014. 1st place went to Malaysia Airlines Flight 370!"

"It's annoying how mirrors are always all like, ""Hey, c'mere. I wanna show you something gross about you."""