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Joke of the Day

"The installers put down my new hardwood really quickly. They floored it. (Was the reply when I told a friend that the installers were almost done)"

"What do you call Jamal's dad during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years? Hide n' Seek World Champion 2010-2016"

"""FINISH HIM,"" I scream, as Nana takes the last bite of her gingerbread man."

"4-yr-old son gave smartest answer ever to ""How do you know if something is art?"" ""People tell you."""

"*holding my crying child* Me: I know, earthquakes are scary. So maybe next time you'll be good and I won't have to make that happen again."

"What do Arabs and the Japanese have in common ? They both like bombs"

"2 men knock on an Essex girls door. ""Hello love how would you like double glazing?"",they ask. ""Oh go on then"", she replies falling to her knees, ""just not in my eyes"""

"Anyone who says cheetahs are the fastest land mammals hasn't seen me move a cat off an expensive area rug before he pukes."

"As we develop robots, we should make them out of pretzels or cotton candy that way if they become self aware we could just eat them"

"Why is it so hard to sleep with Asian women? It can be a slippery slope."