174646

Joke of the Day

"Oh you have Swag? ...that's cool, hey, can you Super Size my Fries?"

"when i die use my ashes to fill souvenir snowglobes to mimic the death rain of the apocalypse pouring down on a vacant cityscape. very metal"

"George Clooney looks that way because when he was a kid he kept making handsome faces and it stuck that way. No, don't stare."

"Are all females on twitter moms? Is my mom here? Mom? You there doin drunk tweets?"

"Intensive care toddler One of the toddlers on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey. ICU baby, shaking that ass..."

"I walked in on my roommate masturbating in the shower I said ""Mate, that's disgusting"" Him: ""Fuck off I can wash it as fast as I like!"""

"The inflight movie on my trip home was Pixels. We had two walk outs."

"Friends are like balloons... If you stab them, they die"

"Why couldn't the cut down tree answer a riddle? It was stumped."

"Why do french people love eating snails? Because they hate fast food"