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Joke of the Day

"Friends are like balloons... If you stab them, they die"

"I just became the mayor of ""Giving Away Tons of Personal Data to Corporations and Government Agencies Because I'm an Idiot"" on FourSquare!"

"Q: Why couldn't the cat speak? A: The dog taped his mouth."

"My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means. Thomas, Carl or the fat and ugly one?"

"So in this upcoming boxing match, Soulja Boy is being trained by Floyd Mayweather Where as Chris Brown is just getting another girlfriend to train on"

"What washes up on small beaches? Microwaves!"

"Q: What did the tree say to the mountain? A: Stop peaking at me."

"Apparently my friends think I'm paranoid. I fucking knew it."

"Why can't Africa have Volkswagen beetles? Because an elephant will screw anything with a trunk in the front. Thanks to a random guy outside of a 7/11."

"Wife: He only hears what he wants to hear... Therapist: Is this true? Me: She's right. Space Jam is the greatest movie of all time."