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Joke of the Day

"""This is where we separate the men from the boys.""- Craig, JC Penny manager, organizing the layout of the store."

"At the teraphist: ""Sometimes i just can't focus at work!"" Patient: ""that's fine, but we are here to talk about my problems."""

"What do you give to someone who has everything? Antibiotics!"

"After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide CHECK CZECH CHEQUES"

"My 9 year old ran away for an hour and by the time he came back my wife had already turned his bedroom into a yoga studio."

"How much money does the Government pay people with autistic disorder? Enough to buy a computer that can play League of Legends."

"what do my ex and my toilet have in common? They both keep bringing up old shit"

"What was an elephant doing on the freeway? About 5 miles per hour."

"Why don't any pirates live in Kansas? Because they all live in *Ar*kansas."

"Why can't Edward leave Russia? He's Snowden."