174625

Joke of the Day

"Me: did you know that abbreviating names can be really confusing? GF: really? Me: yeah George Foreman: that's interesting"

"So I was told that torture is 100% effective. They finally admitted to it after 5 hours of waterboarding. I still don't know why they kept lying before it though."

"When I ask someone out and they say no I get uncomfortable and just start clapping and saying ""Good answer"" like people on Family Feud."

"What's the difference between a corn shucker with epilepsy and a whore with diarrhea? The corn shucker shucks between fits..."

"Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience."

"A short joke for mobile users [.](http://i.imgur.com/7g4htym.jpg)"

"""Good thing I guessed that today was probably a BYOB situation."" -me, chaperoning the kindergarten field trip"

"A blind man walks into a bar I'll have a glass of wine, he says. Red or white, the bartender asks. It doesn't matter, he answers, I'm blind."

"My wife doesn't believe that auto correct changed ""Yes dear"" to ""Hell no I'm not picking your mother up from the airport at 1am."""

"Having an Internet girlfriend is easier than having a real girlfriend because I don't have to suck my gut in."