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Joke of the Day

"So I was told that torture is 100% effective. They finally admitted to it after 5 hours of waterboarding. I still don't know why they kept lying before it though."

"This game is like having sex in the woods It's fucking intents"

"Finding Money Reaching into a pair of pants and finding a wad of money is a great feeling . . . . until the person wearing the pants starts screaming."

"Opinions are like orgasms, mine matter most and I don't care if you have one."

"How do you trap an elephant?! You first dig a hole, second, you fill the hole with ashes, also throw some peas in there. When the elephant stops to take a pea, you kick it in the ash hole."

"People can't drive. Take this guy behind me for example, doing 110 mph with flashing blue lights. What the hell is a ECILOP anyway??"

"What do you call an all female traveling band Mobile broadband"

"If you accidentally drop a roll of toilet paper while sitting down, it will roll approximately 65 feet away from you. Science."

"A Priest and a Rabbi See a 8yr Old Boy. The priest says, ""Lets Fuck Him."" Rabbi says, ""Out of what?"""

"It's a sad moment when you realize the trash goes out more often than you do."