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Joke of the Day

"""Good thing I guessed that today was probably a BYOB situation."" -me, chaperoning the kindergarten field trip"

"When deaf people want to interrupt each other, do they slap the other person's hands out of the way?"

"Why are flowering plants such good test takers? Because they have all of the anthers!"

"Father: You were absent on the day of the test? Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!"

"I'm throwing myself a circumcision party tomorrow, so anybody with a scalpel and a steady hand, stop on by. Jews welcome only with gift."

"I'm not a racist. I can't even run."

"The Fortune Teller, came true! I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny - is that spooky or what?"

"Why is there the occasional black Jew? Because Hilter kept them in the oven for too long."

"The difference between a cucumber and pickles... Is jarring"

"Just checked weather. If anyone is curious what's in my wardrobe, find me tomorrow. I will be wearing every article of clothing I own."