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Joke of the Day

"My friend recently started a career as a hitman... I hear he's making a killing."

"I am being so rude. Apologies. Google, is there anything you want to ask me?"

"How do you spell ""apathy""? I don't care."

"My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game."

"Barry? Yes Joe Can I borrow Air Force 1? I promised this girl we'd eat at the Pizza Hut in France No Joe *Biden slams fist* THIS IS BULLSHIT"

"What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table."

"Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art? Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming ""stay away from me!"""

"..which is why I start my sentences in the middle."

"When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. That says everything about marriage."

"Doctor Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots? I never make rash promises!"