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Joke of the Day

"What does star trek and toilet paper have in common? They both fly around Uranus looking for Klingons' s"

"You wouldn't believe how many laws I'm obeying right now"

"What do you call a woman on a cruise ship in Mexico using the diving board at the pool? A broad abroad on a board aboard."

"Amazing Farmer I met an amazing farmer today, he was out standing in his field.."

"This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she's not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!"

"Lucy plans elaborate jewel heist. Lucy dons cat burglar suit to conceal identity. Lucy pulls off heist. Lucy in disguise with diamonds."

"ME: I hate owls [Owl turns his head 180] OWL: What? ME: Oh I didn't see you there OWL: Are you talking behind my back? ME: I'm...I'm not sure"

"Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks."

"Fords coming out with heated tailgates. So your hands stay warm while you're pushing it home."

"Sometimes I squat on the floor, put my arms around my knees and lean forward... because that's how I roll."