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Joke of the Day

"If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives."

"Those stickers of families you see on the back of mini-vans are like menus.. For sexual predators."

"You might have heard this one. I confided in my gf: ""sometimes I can be pretty full of myself."" Gf replies: ""sometimes I'm pretty full of you too."""

"My sister said she thought it would be cool to be a meme. I told her to run for president."

"Why do old people read the bible so much? cramming for finals"

"the series finale of Game of Thrones will be the camera pulling back & revealing it was a snowglobe and the owner is watching sports instead"

"At a rally today Donald Trump ordered the secret service to remove a crying baby. They had him halfway to the curb before realizing the error."

"I finally got my shit together. It's pretty gross. Wanna see?"

"What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't gotten the box open yet."

"What's the opposite of ""lily white""? A racist term of some sort."