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Joke of the Day
"My sister said she thought it would be cool to be a meme. I told her to run for president."
Next Joke
"God and Lazarus God said to Lazarus, ""Come forth, and receive eternal life!"" However, Lazarus came fifth and received a toaster."
"[explaining twitter to my mom] Everyone is mad about something all the time and I'm a cartoon"
"I melted down all my various rewards cards into a universal ""Rewards Dagger"" that gets me a discount everywhere."
"I only have 4 months left on that mirror I broke in 2005."
"On sex, Confucius say: ""Couple who have sex on side of hill, not level"""
"How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four. One to screw in the light bulb and three to talk about how Neil Peart could've done it better."
"Rick Rolled"
"Women would save a lot of money on beauty products if they ever realized they have a vagina."
"You wanna hear a joke? Me attempting to tell a funny joke."